Appetite For Instruction Part 2

Unfortunately, tracking down these demos is slightly harder then a cheetah getting a license to run a daycare. For three evenings I lurked guns and roses message boards and wasted my freaking time looking at web blogs shut down by Axl’ s lawyers. I gave up and searched on Soulseek for some kind of salvation. The results were predictable, people would claim to have the entire album but its a Kraftwerk CD also, I’m not sure of the connection, but every time i try to find the track “catcher in the rye” i open it to find its a Bruce Springsteen song. But through some searching i found about 15 songs claiming to be from the demo, and various live performances of newer material. One conclusion I’ve found is that guns and roses fans are freaked up human beings. That kind of determination to follow this band this far, and something has to break. For instance, well finding the last tracks of the demo i came upon user “18hz” and by glancing in his “video” folder I find “Christens Strong Whipping (femdom vid)” “five females freaking male with strap on” “flawless college fisting firsts” and you guessed it “Sweet child of mine live in Philadelphia “, oh boy, don’t work too far from where you play.

So without further build up, the review of the tracks.

1. I.R.S.
Well, it sounds like guns and roses if guns and roses were Vitamin C. Remember, graduation song? Sampled drums, an incredibly lame ascending guitar line and a tired solo. Slash must be rolling in his heart shaped
velvet grave. This song has some pretty laughable lyrics as well, even for g n r. “Your gonna need president, hire myself a private eye, gonna need the IRS, gonna get the FBI” I’m not sure what kind of trouble Mr. Rose has gotten himself into, but it sounds like its crossing state lines, and involves unpaid debts to the government.

2. Dust In The Wind.
Yeah its not a cover, but like they say in the industry, “name the song after a hit and half the work is done” This just some sappy November Rain type ****, even at these early stages i hope to be removed by Axl’s bouncers, as I don’t think i want to be welcome in the jungle anymore.

3. The Blues.
Sounds like November rain again. And i think he layered his voice about 17 times. Its like axl in ultra mega stereo, or as i call it “unappealing”. Oh yeah, cue that bend solo bridge that hack johnson plays every time you walk into any given music store. Sounds just like how it did when Axl wrote it. In November Rain.

4. Madagascar.
A lot of synth work on this song. And yes, to answer your question, my back hurts from using my illusion to make this demo seem at all interesting. People in general should stop confusing “keyboard” with “experimentation”. They even added sound clips at the end of the song, to inspire us to live in harmony with one another. Kinda like when he penned the line “Immigrants and fagots They make no sense to me They
come to our country And think they’ll do as they please. Like start some mini Iran, Or spread some freakin’ disease” in the song “One in a Million”

5. Oh my God
This song was on the “end of days” soundtrack, some ****** action movie about the devil. It was apparently a “prelude” to Chinese Democracy. Oh yeah, the movie came out 7 freaking years ago. It was when the album was going to be very “nine inch nails” like. I guess…because there is a keyboard in it, distortion on the vocals, and anyone over the age of 15 is old enough to realize its a bunch of pseudo dangerous bullshit.

6.There Was A Time (haha, twat)/Chinese Democracy
Kinda like full filing a suicide pact well low on bullets, I’m forced to put the two heads together. The first song is really freaking boring. It has dynamics and stuff, but its just…so dull. Jesus Christ, 7 minutes of ****. It sounds like its wrapping up in the middle but nope, just keeps going. Axl rose’s voice is on par with a
death rattle of kittens. I like to consider Chinese Democracy like a two headed girl, but the first half is like the dead side, as in…dead at a young age so half of the body kept growing and the other half is trying to live a full life. Try to put that image into something coming out of your speaker, and you’ll understand.

7. Better
This is probably the best track of all of these. That’s not very glorifying. It starts out interesting, and shows off Axl roses incredible ability to sing higher then any given notes known to man, or the ones the aliens gave us six thousand years ago, when god created the earth. After the 30 second point it pretty much turns into generic radio dribble, with a bonus fast lick after the NIN chorus.

There is a couple other tracks I’ll leave out. There so terrible they don’t even deserve to be bashed. Silk Worms is the soundtrack to every rave I’ve never been to. Rhiad & The Behovins will give you cancer, just try to find the lyrics sometime and if you can search soulseek for the the track “Oklahoma”. It was a home demo made by Axl, starring a drum machine and the worst production I’ve ever heard.

The only way to sum up this long winded waste of half a week is like this. Its like Chinese Democracy is a boat, and I’m hanging out with Axl Rose on it, were chillin, maybe grooving on some tunes. Maybe I’m
relaxing, and he’s on port side dancing, but he can’t quiet do it because of the cumbersome diamond cross he wears around his neck. I look over and notice there is a massive hole in the side of the boat, and i say
“Hey Axl, there is a giant hole in the side of Chinese Democracy” and he looks at the hole, and then looks back at me and says “hey rob, freak you” And slaps me across the face, but his hand is full of ****,
so it gets in my mouth and ear. I try to tell the record company about the hole, so they decide to start throwing gold bars into the boat, and soon enough, Chinese Democracy slips to the bottom of the ocean,
and in its hull is thirteen million dollars. There is no conceivable way to ever profit from this album, and to release it will only give the mercy Axl Rose does not deserve. And judging by the songs i have heard, all you’ll get is a handful of **** right in your face and mouth.

-robwhite