Exit 7A on the New Jersey turnpike, and Judas Priest

At this moment, I still can’t bear to listen to ‘Hell Bent for Leather’ without a tear coming to my eye.  I was at the gym yesterday and ‘Breaking the Law’ came on my iPod and I couldn’t bear to listen… well okay, I’m being melodramatic.  But that’s more fun than saying “I’m mildly disappointed”, right? Here we are, five days later and I’m still pissed, I still blame the New Jersey Turnpike, and my copy of ‘Screaming for Vengeance’ sits in my living room unsigned. How did I get here?

Let’s flash back to last Friday: I had gotten word two weeks prior that The Mighty Judas Priest was having a signing at a nearby location. Judas Priest is one of those bands that has earned ‘The Mighty’ status, which is when you know you’re legendary right? Recently at a show, a band playing before Lamb of God said “and up next…. THE MIGHTY Lamb of God!” and that’s when I knew they were THAT big.  Try it before every band / celebrity / athlete you like and see which ones fit. The Mighty Slayer! (definitely) The Mighty Dan Fouts! (definitely) The Mighty….Soulja Boy? (Nah, but the dance is fun to do) The Mighty… Jane Child! (err, no)

Anyway, I digress - to get a wristband for the signing, you had to pre-order their upcoming album ‘Nostradamus’, a song-for-song tribute to Nas’ 1999 album “Nastradamus” (relax, I’m kidding. Though it would be a creative idea for a metal band).  So I figured what the hell - you don’t get to see the Priest often, and they’re living legends.  I don’t think Priest has made a relevant album since ‘Painkiller’ and it seemed a little shady to have to pre-order the album, but what the hell, why not? I even planned to leave work early just to get there in time to make sure the hour-drive didn’t come back to haunt me.

Enter the New Jersey Turnpike, ladies and gentlemen! For those of you that are not familiar with the New Jersey Turnpike, it is a six-widening-to-12-lane monstrosity that receives somewhere between 14 and 15 billion cars per day, and always has the following daily occurrences:
1. Traffic jamming on both sides of Exit 8A, where the ‘pike either widens from 6 to 12 lanes or narrows, depending on your direction.
2. slow SUVs in front of you that you can not see around.
3. A car fire at exit 7A on the southbound side.

So as I approached exit 7A and traffic came to a stop, I figured it was the daily car fire or something… but it turns out that my direction, the COUNTER-rush hour direction (Northbound) was backed up.  After frantically searching for a radio station that carried NJ traffic information, I found out it was a ‘multi-vehicle accident’.  ****.  Still, I had hope to make it there in time to get something signed, since 500 people were at the signing after all. But you know the story, I was wrong. The Mighty Priest plowed through all 500 people in about 45 minutes from what I heard, and my delay was enough to keep me from getting my record (the record which I searched five record stores for until I found it) signed.  Calculate that out.  500 people (well, 499) in 45 minutes. That’s 5.4 seconds a person! Reading these next two sentences will take more time than that. I don’t know whether to be annoyed or amazed at that kind of superhuman signing speed, sustained over 45 minutes.

The post-depression White castle burgers helped relieve some of my annoyance, and I suppose I’ll get another chance to get my final signature in my quest to ‘Hit for the cycle of celebrity signatures’ (The Black Dahlia Murder, Philadelphia 76ers Small Forward Andre Igoudala, Boba Fett and Judas Priest).  And nothing is good unless a lesson comes from it, so today’s lesson is: lobby your congressperson to make the turnpike refund your money if there are any traffic delays.