The Scientific Method… meets Kiss (III)

by Keith in Reviews, Top 10, Uncategorized

If you’ve read the previous two posts here, you know the deal – we’re using science to figure out which Kiss album is the best Kiss album… eva! Last time we left off midway through the Kiss solo albums, so it’s time to finish up the solo records, get to the reason this post even happened, and of course – listen to ‘Music from the Elder’.

Peter Criss (1978)

While this album wins the award for ‘most un-Kiss solo album’, it doesn’t win the award for ‘worst Kiss solo album’, thanks to Paul. It all sounds kind of…. I don’t know, 60s? in terms of the songwriting, but that’s probably helped along by the cover of ‘Tossin and Turnin’ and the song I thought was a cover ‘That’s the Kind of Sugar Papa Likes’. Speaking of, I REALLY like that song (That’s the kind of sugar…), and I can’t say I’m entirely pleased admitting that, it sounds very ‘Hi my name is Keith… and I have a Kiss-listening problem’). Anyway, the bad moments on this record are pretty damn bad, and there aren’t many good ones, either. No wonder this was the lowest-selling solo album.

Gene Simmons (1978)

This record is slightly more Kiss-like than the two just mentioned, and it does have a few interesting moments (”Living in Sin”, “Radioactive”), it’s only good when compared to Peter and Paul’s albums. I never realized it until this experiment, but these albums don’t really sound like Kiss much – even this album is an album I would have assumed (before listening) sounds a lot like what we think of when we think of Kiss, but it just doesn’t. Plus, Gene’s songs all reek of egomania you know? Like damn – like yourself much? I’ll See you in Your Dreams? Though I think we can all thank Gene for having a song that rhymes ‘living in sin’ with ‘Holiday inn’, a time-tested piece of lyrical brilliance that Chingy would then resucitate 25 years later.

Ace Frehley (1978)

While it may not be saying much, this is an absolute no-brainer as the best solo record, sporting a bunch of really cool songs (”Ozone, “Snowblind” and “New York Groove”) and sounding the most like Kiss after the other three solo records. This record probably even cracks the top 10 in terms of Kiss albums, its weak moments aren’t as weak as many Kiss albums’ weak moments – but it’s not a candidate for the best Kiss record ever. Next!

Dynasty (1979)

Kiss does Disco! Well, that was the big tag line about this album anyway, that Kiss had ‘gone disco’ and all. Sure, the song ‘I was Made For Loving You” was disco-ish and the surprisingly cool ‘Sure Know Something’ has a little bit of that too, but this is still a pretty good Kiss album top-to-bottom. Plus, ‘I was Made for Lovin you’ is cool! Some people disagree I’m sure, but I don’t hear Kiss trying too hard to be disco here, I just hear a band that made a rock record with some disco overtones here and there. This isn’t their best album, but deserves a quick mention in the conversation.

Unmasked (1980)

And now, here we are – the reason behind this excursion involving the scientific method. Yes, I ended up taking a few weeks off from this – sometimes you just get busy – and that’s a good thing, probably. So how does this, the album that I thought would be the best Kiss album ever, hold up?

Well, um…

Not good.

See, it turns out it’s not that good. It does have some songs I like (”Shandi”, “What makes the World Go Round”, and “Tomorrow”), it feels like the songswriting is a little more mature maybe? Or maybe I’m just thinking ahead to Kiss’s ‘cash in on sex’ years that are right around the corner. Anyway. This album isn’t that good, and really when you think about it I have Science and the Scientific Method to thank – without doing this experiment I would have walked around like an idiot, claiming ‘Unmasked’ is their best record yet and probably been committed to a mental institution on the spot. Whew!

Music from the Elder (1981)

This is one of the most hyped ‘bad’ records ever, when you think about it. To show how far-reaching the suck from this record is, I’m listening to the NFL Network on Sirius a few weeks back and they bring some guest on, only to be prefaced by some absolutely horrible song. I mean, horrible! The two hosts – in remote locations – have nothing to say about this horrible piece of ‘bumper’ music other than an awkward pause and a “uhhh, wow. We need to talk to our producer”. At this time, the guest reveals that he and the producer – both in New York – were talking about “Music from the Elder by Kiss, one of the worst albums ever” and the producer played a cut from it (”A world without heroes”) as a joke.

That’s how bad this album sucks. Actually, it’s not so much that it’s bad – it’s that it’s not Kiss. Well okay, a lot of it is pretty bad. I’m really doing all I can to find something redeeming about it, but it’s hard. So, yeah. Let’s move on then.

Creatures of the Night (1982)

Many Kiss fans put this in their top Kiss albums ever, and I’m with them on this. Hell, the massive-sounding drums that begin “I love It Loud” are practically enough, me being a drum
junkie and all. But aside from that, the album is top-to-bottom solid without one bad cut. It’s the one album that straddles their riff-oriented best from the arena rock days with the tight production and bigger sound of their records later on in their career. This one’s in consideration for the top spot for sure.

Well, as long as Step 5 was…. it’s now done. Many albums by Kiss digested, and only the final step of the Scientific Method to go.